How we got HERE

Let me set the stage for this story of how we ended up where we are in our adoption journey today. We had made our final decisions regarding the "desired child" portion of our homestudy (1-2 children ages 0-5). I had just gotten to the point where I was perfectly happy waiting for the time being. I was feeling content with my life at the moment and things were quite comfortable. Since I am a big planner/preparer, I thought that a few years of waiting would leave me time to feel nice and ready. But you see, that would leave me trusting more in myself and my planning and knowledge than in my Lord... 

At the beginning of every month, our adoption agency posts a list of "waiting children" who are available and waiting for a family to adopt them.  All that is given on the list is the ages, genders and special needs of the children (if they have any) and if their adoption documents are ready. I have been reading these lists every month and praying for these precious kids. So, on the 1st of October when the "waiting children" list came out, I read through it as usual. But for some reason, I could not get the "7 year old girl" listed out of my head.

So I figured I better pray some more that God would raise up a family to commit to her. Only He didn't let me stop there. He just kept growing this burden for her in my heart until I thought I was going crazy. I finally decided to tell Dean what was going on in my head and heart, because he is very good at getting my crazy plans back to reality (i.e. shooting down my dreams...haha). I was looking forward to his logical opinion, and instead he calmly said, "Well, let's pray about her, if we're the right family for her". What?!? Not what I was wanting to hear...

Meanwhile, God was speaking constantly and consistently. Yes, yes, yes. That was all I could hear from Him. Everywhere I turned in His Word He was telling me to live by faith and trust Him tangibly, not just with my words. We both continued seeking God's will, and He was so kind as to give me so many little "signs" to reassure my fearful heart. Then, in the middle of the month, our adoption agency sent out an updated "waiting children list". First of all, the list is usually only sent out at the beginning of the month from what I've seen, so I was surprised to see it. And then, at the very top of the list this time was the "7 year old girl". I think at this point my heart stopped and my hands were shaking.

When I recovered from my minor heart attack and Dean and I had some more prayer and discussion, we decided to go ahead and request more information about her. This led to our referral experience, which I will share about later. After receiving her information, we had 2 weeks to decide if we wanted to proceed to adopt her. I looked at the scant information we had and wondered how we could possibly make such a big decision with so little information. But Dean reminded me that God knows all the information and we can trust Him to help us decide.

After much more prayer and discussion, we decided to accept the referral for our little girl one week later.  We were so excited, and so thankful! This was all happening much faster than the 2-3 years of waiting that we were expecting.

(Now for a little background: A year and a half ago when we were buying our house, we had saved up for the down payment. When we were working out the financing, we decided to leave $10,000 in our savings account. For no good reason. We thought maybe we would need some new furniture for the house or something. But there it sat, in our account. Then last fall when we started thinking about adoption, Dean said "maybe that $10,000 is for our adoption.")

So last week when we wanted to accept the surprise referral, we had to pay the referral fee, which was $9700. If we wouldn't have had that money left in our savings account, we wouldn't have been able to proceed with the adoption process. God knew what He was doing and had been preparing us (and our finances) for this all along. We have seen little glimpses of His provision every step of the way.

While of course we are overjoyed and excited, we also know this is going to be hard. We have tried to picture all the worst case scenarios, and have come to the conclusion that we can trust our God through every single one. I heard a quote recently: "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best." Being the pessimist that I am, I am good at expecting and preparing for the worst. And having a wonderfully optimistic husband, he is always focused on hoping for the best. But both of us know that no matter what lies ahead, God is good and He will never leave us.

"Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,
(even if all normalcy is lost, 
if things seem hopeless, 
if expectations are not met, 
if uncertainty abounds...)

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to tread on the heights."

Habakkuk 3:17-19